Donald Trump's response to social media bans is... a blog

Every politician handles the ends of their careers differently. Some retired legislators take up public speaking gigs, some continue their beloved philanthropic endeavors, and some just go for long walks in the woods. Not Donald Trump, mind you. America's 45th (but not final) president has steadfastly focused on what he does best: unloading every single asinine and toxic thought that rattles out of his conspiracy-addled noggin directly onto the internet. That has been a bit of a challenge in recent months, what with him having gotten himself unceremoniously banned from virtually every English-speaking social media site on the planet on account of all his unfounded election stealing allegations and incitement ahead of the January 6th Capitol Hill insurrection.

But no longer! Mere hours before Facebook's Oversight Board announced its ruling as to whether or not it will allow the former president back onto its platform, Trump seized the initiative and unveiled a brand new communications platform of his very own. Take that, Big Social Media! Behold the awesome golden glory of From the Desk of Donald J. Trump, a whole entire web page dedicated to giving Trump what he so desperately desires: somewhere on the internet where he can complain about how the rest of the internet is so mean and unfair to him.

The page will allow Trump to post comments, images, and videos. According to Fox News, the page appears to be powered by Campaign Nucleus, a"digital ecosystem made for efficiently managing political campaigns and organizations," which was built by his former campaign manager, Brad Parscale, whom Trump has previously threatened to sue.

And true to the former president's style, this won't be a traditional sort of social network. This is a one-way means of communication. Trump posts and we unwashed masses are to suckle upon his perky bronzed teats for business and political wisdom. Not to mention a healthy dose of Q-Anon conspiracy and old-fashioned fascism.

And yes, before you ask, the web page is of course built to the same exacting standards as every other Trump property:

lol if you try to tweet share his video everything just breaks pic.twitter.com/jbdQDl3kEx

— Charlie Warzel (@cwarzel) May 4, 2021

Ok, maybe that was a bad example. But at least the guy running the account — who if you'll remember also used to run this entire country — knows what he's doing:

Trump tried to tag OANN in a statement: pic.twitter.com/PXzWM2ToSc

— Andrew Solender (@AndrewSolender) April 30, 2021