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Welcome to the summer of extreme PDA

·4-min read
Getting hot in here: the celebrity PDA is back on (Evening Standard comp)
Getting hot in here: the celebrity PDA is back on (Evening Standard comp)

There’s something going on with celebrities of a certain age. After 18 months starved of ego-sustaining attention, they’re acting up. Or, more specifically, getting it on. Double vaxxed, waxed (by the looks of it) and horny as hell, some of our most well-known older stars are behaving — very publicly — like randy teenagers. Welcome to the summer of the extreme PDA.

First, we have nostalgia in spades being served up by the ultimate “f*** it, text your ex” couple, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Bennifer, who have reunited after 17 years — and several other relationships and marriages — apart. The pair have just gone Instagram official after the singer posted a photo of them smooching to her account marking her 52nd birthday, after which they appeared to recreate scenes from the “Jenny from the block” video, while laying on a yacht as Affleck rubbed her butt. Lopez was later spotted wearing a gold “Ben” necklace while out and about in Monaco.

Then there are Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker. The eldest Kar-Jenner and the Blink-182 drummer have been titillating their Instagram followers with PDAs so explicit that, really, it would be polite if they came with a warning. An Instagram gallery posted by one Mr Barker, 45, in tribute to Kourtney on her 42nd birthday, sees the couple snogging, straddling, and simulating oral sex. It’s both as bad as it sounds and yet not quite, depending on your levels of priggishness. Along with the so-not-low-key ALL CAPS caption, ‘I F***ING LOVE YOU! YOU’RE A BLESSING TO THIS WORLD’, the climax of the overshare is the final slide, a two-second video, showing the reality star sucking Travis’s finger in a VNSFW manner. It’s of course designed to provoke and a quick glance at the comments shows it worked. “High school couples at lunch be like…” read one, “It’s ‘Instagram mate, not pornhub’ typed another, followed by a regressive “‘WTF to the last slide. She’s a mother. Not cool.” Because we all know mothers aren’t allowed to be sexy, don’t we?

In another post, Barker shared a gift he’d bought for his new one true love. A classic scented candle. But wait, the scent is “This Smells Like Kourtney’s Orgasm”. TMI? Another very high school way to show your hopeless devotion? Get your partner’s name tattooed on your chest (there’s Instagram documentation of this too), because no one ever regrets doing that.

Summer of lust: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker (Kourtney Kardashian Instagram)
Summer of lust: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker (Kourtney Kardashian Instagram)

You’d forgotten about Megan Fox hadn’t you? Well she’s back and molten hot for tattooed musician Machine Gun Kelly, 31 (real name Colson Baker). He’s posted photos of Fox, 35, with captions like “I wear your blood around my neck” (very Angelina and Billy Bob circa early Noughties, guys), and she in turn has said things like ‘Achingly beautiful boy… my heart is yours’. The perma post-coital pair dragged themselves away from the bedroom long enough to attend the Billboard Music Awards last month, where they licked each other’s tongues and she held firmly onto his crotch on the red carpet.

Can’t keep my hands to myself: Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly (NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
Can’t keep my hands to myself: Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly (NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)

Elsewhere, new parents Katy Perry, 36, and Orlando Bloom, 44, aren’t letting those sleepless nights get in the way of a solid make-out session and have been spotted on hols in Venice taking some rather sweet kissing selfies. While, over at the warm hug that was the Friends reunion, Jennifer Aniston, 52, and David Schwimmer, 54, dropped the sexiest soundbite of all sexy soundbites, admitting they’d been “crushing hard on each other” in the early seasons of the show. “It was like two ships passing because one of us was always in a relationship,” said Schwimmer. To which Aniston replied: “Honestly, I remember saying one time to David, ‘It’s gonna be such a bummer if the first time you and I actually kiss is gonna be on national television’. Sure enough, first time we kissed was in that coffee shop [Central Perk]. So we just channelled all our adoration and love for each other into Ross and Rachel.” So hot.

Feel the love: Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry in Venice (Orlando Bloom)
Feel the love: Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry in Venice (Orlando Bloom)

Perhaps it’s a case of anything Gen Z can do, Gen X can do better, because for them the cult of the extreme PDA started way before the pandemic. Cast your thirsty mind back to those images of Lily Rose Depp, 22, on her knees in between the legs of Timothée Chalamet, 25, on a boat in Italy (steamy) in the summer of 2019, or the YouTube video of singers Shawn Mendes, 22, and Camila Cabello, 24, open-mouth pashing with tongues (sort of funny, sort of sexy).

And the award goes to... Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz (Brooklyn Beckham)
And the award goes to... Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz (Brooklyn Beckham)

Though the award for the ultimate Gen Z extreme PDA-ers must go to Brooklyn Beckham, 22, and fiancée Nicola Peltz, 26 who love bomb their feeds with half-naked photos on the reg. Snogging in the shower, in the bath, in a pool… where there is water, these two will be tonsil-deep. They even wear each other’s wisdom teeth (dipped in gold) as necklaces. “All of our wisdom stuck in a tooth,” Peltz explained.

It’s a hot vax summer on steroids, and we’re here for it.

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