TikTok star opens up about suicide attempt on 'chilling' new song: 'This is how I cope'

Editor’s Note: This article contains mentions of suicide or suicidal ideation. Please take care while reading, and note the helpful resources at the end of this story.

TikTok star and budding singer Nessa Barrett got candid about her suicide attempt on a new song tentatively titled “911.”

The 18-year-old influencer, who boasts 14.5 million TikTok followers at the time of writing, has always been open and honest with her fans about her mental health struggles. In August 2020, she revealed to Entertainment Tonight that she has generalized anxiety disorder, depression and bipolar disorder, and that she’s been in and out of therapy since she was a kid. She also admitted that the hate comments she receives online take a toll on her, which is why she often has to take a step back for her own sake.

“For my mental health, I realized that reading those comments and seeing those comments just wasn’t healthy,” Barrett explained. “There was a point where I had deleted all my apps and would only re-download them to post. And then as soon as my stuff was posted, I’d delete them again so I wouldn’t have to look at all the comments, any DMs.”

“A lot of creators are human and have real struggles,” she continued. “When they just see us as a person on screen, they don’t really care about our feelings, which I feel like a lot of people have to take that into account. [I hope they] realize that before they type something and send it, because it is harmful.”

On Feb. 8, Barrett shared a snippet of her latest music project, which details her suicide attempt from four years ago.

“Wrote a song the other night about my first suicide attempt,” Barrett explained in her caption. “My dad was the one who found me so we used his voice on it. This is how i cope.”

For the intro of the song, Barrett had her dad recreate the distressing 911 call he placed when he found his daughter unconscious.

In the snippet of the song Barrett shared, she sings, “My shadows follow me in my sleep / They tell me all the things that I can’t be / My paranoia’s creeping in / Turns out my demons are my only friends.”

In the comments, Barrett’s friends, fans and family members shared their love and support for the star.

“Chills. So proud of you,” fellow TikToker Claudia Conway said. “This is truly art. Glad ur here Nessa.”

“Hardest thing I’ve ever had to record and go thru but so blessed U are here & so proud of you turning this day into a positive way to help others,” Nessa’s dad commented.

“Wow, this got me,” a fan added. “This is amazing, I’m glad you’re here.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also connect with a Crisis Text Line counselor at no charge by texting the word “HOME” to 741741. Visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline to learn more about the warning signs of suicidal ideation.

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