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5 Tips for Newlyweds Merging Bank Accounts

When you get married, you often aren't just merging your lives, but your financial assets are probably becoming one as well. It isn't the most romantic thing to think about when you're hopefully head over heels in love, but if you want to stay in love, you'll want to think long and hard about how you and your partner should merge your bank accounts.

You don't need to think long and hard about if you want to. You probably do want to, unless you're marrying for a second or third time, and you're jaded and feeling leery.

But even if it's a foregone conclusion that you both love each other, and you want to share everything, from your bed to your bank account, you'll want to discuss everything to do with money before you actually sign up for a joint account. It may not be romantic, but talking about cold-hard cash will strengthen your marriage -- or expose some flaws in your relationship pretty quickly.

"Money troubles are a huge cause of stress and can often lead to disagreements. Tension about money can bleed over into other parts of your lives," says Erin Ellis, financial educator at Philadelphia Federal Credit Union.

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But you can talk about your joint bank account and how you two want to spend money until the sun goes down and comes up again and not necessarily resolve anything. So if you and your honey are having the joint bank account conversation, here are some topics you should definitely review.

Your debts. Before you can have a financial future, you should talk about your financial past. What do you owe? And whom do you owe?

For starters, you may discover that you want to delay merging your finances until one of you cleans up your act, or until you've made some big purchases first.

"When you marry, your credit score will be impacted by each other's history," says Bellaria Jimenez, of Cranford, New Jersey, and the managing director of MetLife Solutions Group. She adds that if you're thinking of buying a house soon, and you've merged your finances and you have a lower credit score, you may end up spending more in interest on the house.

But however you discuss a subpar credit score with your special someone, be honest about it. "Hiding debt from your new spouse will establish a pattern of mistrust in the relationship," Ellis warns.

Bill paying. Who will pay the bills? Both of you? Just one of you? "It's a good idea to have one person in charge of making sure the bills get paid. This will prevent any bills slipping through the cracks," Ellis says.

But she also warns that if one person is paying the bills, both partners should know what's going on with the bank account, and you should both be making money decisions together.

Jared Pickens, a certified financial planner and senior lecturer of finance and managerial economics at the University of Texas -- Dallas, says that when a couple only has one person paying the bills and knowing what's going on in the account, the other person usually feels left out.

"Two minds are always better than one," Pickens says.

Money tools. Are you going to use a checkbook? Do you both agree to check your bank account every day to ensure you're staying on track? Are there tools you both want to use to help you stay on top of things?

Even if it's just an aside to the bank teller or manager, assuming you still do your banking at a brick-and-mortar bank, you might want to mention that you're getting married, and ask if he or she has any advice on joint bank accounts. Maybe you'll learn something important that your bank does for newlyweds or of an app or special service your bank has for married couples. For instance, Ellis says that her credit union offers a product called FinanceWorks, which allows members to add other accounts to their main home page.

"In one location, both partners can see the status of all of their financial information," she says.

But if your bank doesn't have any interesting gee-whiz apps or gadgets designed to make your lives easier, you can always try money management websites such as Mint.com.

"This keeps both people in the loop of spending," Pickens says.

Not that Mint.com is the only game in town for this; it's just arguably the best known. There are numerous other money management sites you may want to try, including BudgetSimple.com, Money.Strands.com and Buxfer.com.

Get rid of the "it's my money" mentality. Plenty of divorce attorneys will encourage you to have separate bank accounts. Still, if you are going to merge your accounts, and you are truly committed to each other, then you should really commit when it comes to your money, says Wayne Gilmore, the wealth management director at PNC Wealth Management in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

"Ideally, all assets should be viewed as 'ours' and not just 'mine,'" Gilmore says.

Although some couples will have a joint account in addition to personal accounts kept by each partner, Gilmore adds that whatever route you take, talk about it beforehand.

"It's something that must be discussed in advance and agreed upon," Gilmore says. If you aren't in complete agreement on how those separate bank accounts are funded, that's when conflict can arise.

Which makes a lot of sense. If you have a job that brings in a ton of money, and you can fund your separate account much more easily than your spouse, who makes half your salary, and you're spending lavishly on yourself, and your spouse only has enough money to shop at thrift stores, you can see how that could begin to wear on your partner.

Create a budget. You should also do that together, Ellis says. "This way you both know what is coming in, what is going out and what needs to be paid when," she says. In addition to your bills, you'll want to discuss saving for emergencies and retirement, as well as paying down debt.

Pickens also recommends laying out the amount of personal spending each individual will get, and how you will discuss and pay for large purchases.

"What is considered a large purchase that requires the other individual's blessing? Some might think it's anything over $100, while another person might think it is a much lower number," Pickens says."Setting this purchase limit can save an argument or sense of frustration. This is very important."

He's right about that. Whether you're flying solo or married, budgets typically implode once they meet reality, especially if you both aren't making quite as much as you wish you were. And no matter how well you plan, not everything will go as planned. Maybe one of you will get an expensive speeding ticket, wrecking your carefully crafted budget for the month and raising your insurance rates. Or maybe one of you will overspend, thinking a check is being deposited on a day when it actually isn't.

Something will go wrong. That's a guarantee.

But at least by discussing your budgeting and bank account beforehand, you may start off your marriage with good habits designed to get you back on track when your finances inevitably go bad.



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